You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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