my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
