New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
