can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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