Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
