Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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