I like my sex mixed with concussions.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
