Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
