Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
