drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
