so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
