Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
