Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
