I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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