We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
