Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
