There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
