Redeem this text for a blowjob
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
