So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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