she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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