I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
