Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
