I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
