You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
