you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
