She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
