I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
