Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
