yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
