Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
