i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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