she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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