I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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