I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
