why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
