I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
