About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
