I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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