ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
