I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
