last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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