there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
