epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
