i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
