I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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