Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
