The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
