You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
