mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please, let me fuck your mom
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dear god my vagina.
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