I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
