I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
